Fear

I am afraid of ghosts. I am afraid of monsters, of reptiles. I am afraid of creepy dolls and clowns. I am afraid to watch scary movies because I might dream about them. 

Nightmares. When you want to fight, but you couldn't. Because you're scared, not only when you're awake but even in your slumber.

Well that's how it was before you came. 

Now, I'm afraid when that little green circle beside your name goes off. I'm afraid when you post song lyrics about how a girl makes you fall. I am afraid when you make me laugh. I am afraid when you tell me about your day. I am afraid when you talk to me in person. I am afraid to read your texts. I am afraid when you look at me. I am afraid when you smile... 

...I am afraid, when I should be not.

I am afraid because these might just be illusions. I am afraid because these might just be assumptions. I am afraid because this feeling might just be a nightmare disguised as a sweet dream. I am afraid because I might be walking on the past again...the past that I already let go off. The past where I've already learned from. Or did I?

I am afraid to fall in love. 

I've been here before. I was a frequent visitor. But as I realized my mistakes, I wanted to be wiser, stronger. I wanted to be less gullible. And this time, I will be...for sure. 

Currently, I have a lot of questions. I am at the peak of a Mount Everest of uncertainties. For now, I'm going to just push this away. If I have to muster all of my strength to push this mountain, I would do it. I won't mind how hard it could be. I won't mind how stupid would I look. But until I become sure, I will not stop pushing you away. 

If we couldn't face and fight our nightmares, we could always wake up. Someday, I will. For now, I will fight, a thing that I haven't done before. After all, every battle is worth a good fight. 

I will give this one my best.